i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize