he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
