i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
