I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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