It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
