I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize