No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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