just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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