I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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