Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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