I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My bed smells like the plague
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
