the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You don't make any sense
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