The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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