why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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