I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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