you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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