She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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