Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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