yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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