awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
