So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
