ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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