Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How naked do you want me to be?
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