Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Success! We fucked roommates!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
