yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
