That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
