I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
