Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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