dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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