he shaved USA in his pubs
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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