going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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