Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
