wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
