btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
