im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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