oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
