fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
