Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
