You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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