Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
