So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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