I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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