There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
