Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
