...so i touched it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
