so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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