dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
