she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
