Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
