no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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