I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
