Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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