M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Life is so much better after having sex.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
