I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
