Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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