dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
