sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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