Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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