grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
