I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
