Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
